therapist asking this thing you do

of no great passions teams

being a fan what’s that all about?

i missed that phase i’m telling her slow

not getting involved in my early teens

finding girls women the sex thing

missed out on teenage fandom

i see her recoil her being a feminist

can’t cope with ideas where me being a man

might just be the injured here

(not that i complained back there in time)

i see i see so do you feel this loss of not

being involved in that whole culture?

her only interpretation no recognition there

putting everything on me being the man

& i don’t have the words to tell her

not feeling the loss at the time

of my cadres fellowship of being

all that came later in recognition

i’d become over sexualised

rather than a kid with active hormones

needing fun displacement activities

until i was mature enough for serious play