Sit-downs have long featured in gangster lore as a way of solving disputes between families or between individuals.

Here I’m suggesting the sit-down format has a valuable resource between friends, lovers & other motivated people.

There are rules for such meetings:

1. Participants must be unarmed.

2. Respect between them is a given. Any disrespect is unacceptable.

3. To come to the ‘table’ people must come with a desire for either a compromise

or an ‘understanding’ i.e a way of better working together in the future.

4. Any agreements made at the meeting are binding. If further disputes arise then further sit-downs must be made.

5. Honesty is expected, anything else is acting in bad faith.

When working with Lovers, married or co-habitating couples: I would urge the use of

‘The Daily Temperature Reading’ first.

Use of the ‘DTR’ tends to set out expectations between couples on a daily basis and any future.

1. Unarmed for couples means here not bringing in ‘old ammunition’ there may be a history that has hurt one or both partners, but it can only be used here if it has been ‘made safe’ i.e. presented as the basis for continuing difficulty.

2. As above; this is not to be a slanging or slinging match. the focus here is the future of working together.

3. If there is to be no future or willingness to seek compromises-the meeting is over

4. Binding means binding: if your word cannot be kept then there is no point. Agreements can be redrawn between people: all it takes is the will for:

5. Honesty: owning of your own bad faith in laziness, forgetfulness & not being aware of the needs, desires & motivations of others.

Neil Benbow

©neilbenbow2026