Tally is riding the pavement again.

Somewhere he is ‘King of the Mountain’ -good old Tadej Pogacar out in front, bronzed, thighs pumping sides of ham.

Tally is off to get laid, Jenny is finally going to ‘give in to him’

She told this in a ‘phone call not 2 minutes ago. 

Tally knows that life doesn’t get much better than this and time is on his side only if he’s quick.

Jenny is notoriously fickle, last week she wanted to end them due to some sad sack of a programme on t.v. about youth pregnancy and Aids.

Tally switched over first chance he got, spoke of summer dances, car rides and the boat he was due to borrow next week-end.

That and more cherry chocolate seemed to pull her through.

On t.v. people spoke of love, marriage and commitment to relationship, certainly getting men to commit seemed to be the topic covered most in his mum’s magazines.

This and other puzzles as to Jenny’s behaviour kept Tally occupied many an evening when he should have been more focussed on his college work, or so his parents said when he asked them of these and other riddles.

The possibility that beer-for dads and gin-for mums could help explain their acceptance of things as they were, would not occur to him until next year.

His earbuds pumping solidly he made the violent switchback at the pointy bit at the top of the Pyrenees (the name always escaped him), his Basque comrades cheering him on lining the road.

His name painted backwards for all to read.

The pavement was blocked.

A roundy woman was waving at him, mouth opening in fish shapes, closing on a raw liver tongue only to show it again.

He pulled his earbuds out.

“Sorry?”

“Yes, you might well be sorry!

you could have knocked me over!,

you young people don’t care for anybody but yourselves! “

She was obviously going into one Tally decided.

She continued: “You could really HURT people racing along the pavement like that!”

she continued her rant while Tally searched the ground in all directions for those he’d imperilled.

She was MOST definitely going into one he decided.

He checked his watch, five minutes since the call, he wanted to be polite, he wanted to get laid, for all he knew his balls were already turning blue like Jones the thief had told him his had.

She was still banging away, something about knowing his parents, the usual stuff about telling them all about it, and then she started to break the rules.

She grabbed his handlebars as he attempted to gently manoeuvre around her.

That voice got louder and Tally recognised that somewhere Jenny may be putting her clothes back on, turning off the record she reckoned always turned her on-that deep voiced fat black guy one…

Internally Tally pinged a microwave tone, drew breath:

” Lady, I don’t see crowds that I may have murdered.

All I see is you and you are blocking my path to future happiness.

I recognise life has laid a bummer on you in terms of looks, shape and very likely low intelligence but right now that is the problem for one: you.

Now get out of my way!”

With that he wrenched his bike away.

Saddled up in one sweet movement and pedalled onward.

For youth there is always repercussion, later he was sitting in his room, when his dad burst the door open, purple face in rage and demanded explanations as to the large lady in the lounge.

Tally beatifically smiled, knowing that life while holding some surprises for him in the future could not get better than today.

His father was not sure if this was the same son who had left home earlier that day and realised that tables somewhere in the past and future had been turned.

Tally turned back to college work;

“I need to get back to my homework dad, I’m sure you understand…

I’m seeing Jenny again later and I need space to deal with that properly, tell the lady downstairs it was all a misunderstanding, our paths were never meant to crossroad, these intersects are products of our imagination and only hold meaning if we want them to…”

Tally’s dad felt gently dismissed as if by way of an equal.

He turned, made his way downstairs and with pride rising for his son about he knew not what, explained that all was misunderstanding, and stated with complete certainty that this would never happen again.

Internally he knew that life had changed around here and wondered if his next beer was cold yet.

Neil Benbow

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