Revisited/Expanded

The difficulty of adolescence (-apart from the living through it-) are the vestiges or remains of the ego states that guided our thinking then and the parts of these get left behind to form our psyche as we move into maturity.

What we do or did as younger people profoundly affects us in later life; like all history, unless we learn from our experiences, we are doomed to repeat them.

Adolescence represents the link between childhood, where we were held responsible for few of our actions and where possibly too, we were not that effective in shaping our world.

In maturity we are held responsible for all our acts; whether conscious or unconscious. Adolescence then, is when the shift begins from irresponsibility to full responsibility, yet we are still allowed some laxity in trying out new behaviours, ways of being and ideas.  Here I suggest that adolescence is informed or guided by three ego states or distortions in our thinking

The 3 ego states of adolescence are

1. Mythic Life
2. Invincibility
3. Invisible audience

Mythic Life is about how adolescents live expecting a wonderful great life to happen for them. This can result in a lack of effort: I am going to be discovered, this may be when the limo’ pulls up & invites them to be a model, film star or not needing to practice their skills because fame/fortune will happen.

Mythic Life generates the belief that we will be rich and famous. Be celebrities; film, pop, sports or media stars; that we will be discovered as the wonders we are when singing karaoke, walking down the street or even playing guitar badly but with noise, passion and verve in the garage.

The difficulty with this ego state is that it can allow us to do nothing, to kick back and wait because; ‘its going to happen anyway, right?’ These beliefs can unfortunately stop us from making the most important things happen that  we need to build a career, to develop our athletic talents, our writing, singing or music playing skills.

At this point too, young lives appear full of omens, portents and signs that wondrous things are and will continue to happen in their lives.

Our vision is clear; we are connecting on deeper more heroic and mythic levels than those older types playing it safe…and for some this will indeed come true, life will conspire to pluck them from obscurity and into fame. However, in maturity we recognise that for every example of this happening there are dozens more who have made their achievement through hard work, perseverance and developing their innate talents.

Also we recognise that If we do not ground ourselves by finding the depth, value and limits of our talents then we can become doomed to living in a fantasy world where one day we will ‘make it big’ and continue hanging on or waiting for that lucky day.

Invincibility is about the strength and ability of youth to shine through, I can drink, drug, go without sleep, because I can.

Drinking is a fun habit that is all it is-i can drink more than anybody around me because amongst my crowd I’m having the most fun.

I can smoke more weed & can and am heedless of the risk in taking possibly addictive substances: my body has not let me down so far.

Not sleeping for two three days on a drinks ‘bender’ or staying up through using amphetamines makes me a hero not somebody who is risk prone.

This ego state creates risk prone behaviours: my body will not let me down.

I can take risks because there will not be any repercussions, i can live through anything because nothing so far has brought me down.

This Invincibility ego state in conjunction with the Mythic Life ego produces an adolescent who only sees older people as people who have given up on life or have become overcautious ‘scaredy cats too afraid to live.’

Invisible Audience is perhaps the Ego State we are most aware of and can or will consciously acknowledge, the others being more repressed or difficult to own. In this state, we become aware that from dawn ‘til dusk that the eyes of the world are upon us; we are continually assessed on (especially) our looks, our abilities and levels of ‘Coolness’

Beneficially this state helps us to make the best of ourselves, to begin to recognise that there is a wider world away from our own previously juvenile personal concerns. A world of different belief systems, of fashions, groups different or like ourselves. Where there may be a place, a niche, for us in this larger adult world. On the downside: this is when a pimple becomes a life or death matter. I’m not joking here as every year countless teenagers kill themselves because of their body image; having Acne, being too tall, too short, fat, thin, mediocre or the stress of being too popular.

These can all contribute to teen suicide and we mock such feelings at their peril.

This invisible audience causes young people to dress provocatively; either to shock or seduce. As every eye is upon them they dress to make the most of that audience. This fuels fashions, trends, creates peer groups and creates alliances against the old order that ‘doesn’t understand.

And we don’t; because either we forget about these deep feelings as we grew out of them or made them part of our emotional makeup.

In later life, the desire for thick net curtains or needing to keep all our personal affairs hidden ‘because the world is watching’ can be signs that this ego state still keeps a hold on us.

As we mature emotionally we learn to recognise that in reality the world is watching only if we draw attention to ourselves in some way and that other people have their own more pressing concerns to attend to unless ours interrupt theirs.

Invisible audience is how the world is watching me all the time in everything that I do. I cannot go out in these unfashionable trainers, with this zit like a volcano on my forehead, everything I do is criticised…

Invisible Audience is perhaps the Ego State we are most aware of and can or will consciously acknowledge, the others being more repressed or difficult to own. In this state, we become aware that from dawn ‘til dusk that the eyes of the world are upon us; we are continually assessed on (especially) our looks, our abilities and levels of ‘Coolness’

Beneficially this state helps us to make the best of ourselves, to begin to recognise that there is a wider world away from our own previously juvenile personal concerns. A world of different belief systems, of fashions, groups different or like ourselves. Where there may be a place, a niche, for us in this larger adult world.

On the downside: this is when a pimple becomes a life or death matter. I’m not joking here as every year countless teenagers kill themselves because of their body image; having Acne, being too tall, too short, fat, thin, mediocre or the stress of being too popular.

These can all contribute to teen suicide and we mock such feelings at their peril.

This invisible audience causes young people to dress provocatively; either to shock or seduce. As every eye is upon them they dress to make the most of that audience. This fuels fashions, trends, creates peer groups and creates alliances against the old order that ‘doesn’t understand. And we don’t; because either we forget about these deep feelings as we grew out of them or made them part of our emotional makeup.

In later life, the desire for thick net curtains or needing to keep all our personal affairs hidden ‘because the world is watching’ can be signs that this ego state still keeps a hold on us. As we mature emotionally we learn to recognise that in reality the world is watching only if we draw attention to ourselves in some way and that other people have their own more pressing concerns to attend to unless ours interrupt theirs.

In all of us (as adults) these three states continue to be present in differing strengths, some more prone to fantasy, others more prone to social anxiety and others more aligned with risk behaviours because ‘nothing will ever touch me’

In combination, these ego states can be lethal, by themselves, they can    distort our thinking for good or ill and if we are not aware of them they can remain with us into our later lives: As adults we may hide behind a ‘front’ developed in adolescence; the hard man, the drinker, the smoker, toker or junkie. The flirt, the tease, the risk taker, the wannabe rock star or celeb.

I’m not saying that after adolescence we should give up our ambitions nor should we abandon our dreams.

What I want to say is: that we may be discovered as the wonderful people we are. But that unless we have put effort in to write, learn to play or develop our skills, that when opportunity arises we will have nothing behind the façade to continue building a career upon and that this is more mature thought.

Conversely if our dreams are shattered in our teens then depression can become an option; a retreat into smallness…’its only me, insignificant, nobody, nothing little old me’ and this place eventually is just as debilitating as that of excess.

Both extremes being built by distorted thinking and each driven by not being comfortable with who we really are. And this is the key; if we can grow and recognise that Death will come to us.

That a Mythic Life can be ours if we build the skills and put in the time and effort needed to accomplish great things, that the world is not our Audience and not watching our every move and judging us; but this we do to ourselves.

Neil Benbow

(c)neilbenbow2026