STRUCTURING OF TIME Chapter 18

Transactional analysis understandings:

Being bored for a long time hastens emotional and physical deterioration in much the same way as inadequate stroking does.  To avoid the pain of boredom, people seek something to do with their time. 

As Berne says:

The eternal problem of the human being is how to structure his waking hours.

Through observation of dyad and group transactions, 6 ways in which people structure time have been distinguished by TA practitioners.

1.         Withdrawal

People can withdraw themselves from others either by removing themselves physically

or by removing themselves psychologically by withdrawing into their fantasies. 

Withdrawal can come from any of the 3 ego states.                                                                                                                                                                                                     

Withdrawing is sometimes a rational Adult decision.  People need to be alone, to relax, to

think their own thoughts, to take stock of themselves.  Even withdrawal into fantasy may

be a better use of time than listening to a bad lecture.

Withdrawing is sometimes based on copying parents.  For example, a man threatened by

conflict with his wife may withdraw as his father did when his mother got annoyed.

Withdrawal patterns also come from the Child ego state.  These are often replays of a

personal childhood adaptation out of the necessity for self-protection from pain or conflict.

They may also be the result of training.

There are many reasons for withdrawal; everyone withdraws into fantasy from time to time.

However, all the reasons can usually be traced to a desire not to be in the here and now

situations.

2.         Rituals

Ritual transactions are simple and stereotyped complementary transactions like everyday

hellos and goodbyes.  Someone who says, ‘Good morning, how are you?’ is, in most

instances, not really enquiring into the person’s health and feelings, but instead is expecting

to receive a ritualistic response, ‘Fine, how are you?’

In this brief encounter both persons get maintenance strokes.  A response that breaks the

ritual by being too brief or too full will disturb the relationship.  Rituals of this sort grease

the wheels of social interchange, they allow maintenance strokes without the threat of real

intimacy.

Some groups – church groups, political parties, secret orders and social clubs – structure a

great deal of time with highly ritualistic patterns of behaviour.  Other groups are less

structured using their time in other ways.  For many people rituals become a way of life.

3.         Activities

Activities are ways of structuring time that deal with external reality and are commonly

thought of as work, getting something done.  Activities are often what people want to do,

need to do, or have to do – alone or with others.

When an activity comes to an end, a person frequently feels empty, restless or useless.  This problem comes into sharp awareness when certain time structuring activities, such as caring or children, going to school or going to work, come to an abrupt end.

Activities shared between people can be programmed or spontaneous.  They may be parallel, such as eating, reading and writing (activity and withdrawal are the only 2 ways in which a solitary individual can structure time) or co-operative, such as squash or chess.

4.         Pastimes

Pastime transactions are those in which people pass time with one another by talking about innocuous subjects.  Pastimes are relatively safe, these superficial exchanges are often used between people who do not know each other well.  For example at a dinner party, it is not uncommon for the men to pass the time talking about occupations, cars, sport, or motorcycles while women pass the time talking about how well their children are doing.

Pastimes, as well as rituals, are ways people spend time together politely without getting

involved at a deeper level.  They provide the opportunity for people to ‘psyche’ each other

out for the possibility of further involvement.

                                                                                                                                            16

5.         Games

It was Eric Berne’s analysis of psychological games in his best seller Games People Play

that first brought TA to the attention of the public.  This was unfortunate in a way because

a great deal of superficial interest in games developed, without much serious thought as to

what lay behind them, nor equivalent interest in other areas of TA.

People play psychological games with one another that are similar to games like monopoly,

bridge, or chess, which people play at social gatherings.  The players must know the game

in order to play – after all, if one person enters a card party ready to play bridge, and everyone else is playing strip poker, that person cannot very well play bridge – and as this example also suggests, others must be willing to play.

All games have a beginning, a given set of rules, and a concluding payoff.  Psychological

games, however, have an ulterior purpose.  They are not played for fun – but the, of course,

neither are some card games or sports.  Berne defined a psychological game in the following

way:

  A game is an on-going series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well defined, predictable outcome.  Descriptively it is a recurring set of transactions, often repetitious, superficially plausible, with a concealed motivation; or more colloquially, a series of moves with a snare of gimmick.

There are 3 specific elements which must be present to define transactions as games:

first, an ongoing series of complementary transactions which are plausible on the social

level; secondly, an ulterior transaction which is the underlying message of the game; and

thirdly, a predictable payoff which concludes the game and is the real purpose of playing.

Games are transactions between people which are always destructive to at least one of the

players, and which leave feelings of being Not OK.  Games prevent honest, open and

intimate relationships between the players.  Yet people play them because they fill up time,

provoke attention, reinforce life positions, add to the stamp collection and fulfil a sense of

destiny.

Psychological games are played to win but sometimes a person acts like a loser in order to

win the game.  For example, in the game of Kick Me (games tend to be given colloquial

names – the value of this is that a colloquial name more clearly describes the game than a

technical name would) a player provokes someone else to a put down response.

The Kick Me player is a person who goes around always getting into trouble and apparently

inviting it.  She/he feels life has always been against her/him.  She/he feels Not OK and looks for confirmation of her/his feelings by getting into Kick Me games.  When she/he is in difficulties the last thing she/he wants is for people to sympathise and help.  If there is danger that they may do this, the player will work hard to push them beyond the limits of their patience and then sit back and wait for the kicks.  A common device of the Kick Me player is to agree to take on much more than she/he can possibly cope with and then mess it up.

Over 100 different games have been described and a classification system has been developed.  Many of the names clearly express the game.

While we can get a certain amount of amusement learning to spot games, it must be remembered that this a serious business – people are being left feeling Not OK and the extent of the damage depends on the degree of the game:

a First Degree Game is one which is socially acceptable in the agent’s circle;

a Second Degree Game is one from which no permanent, irremediable damage arises, but which the players would rather conceal from the public; and  a Third Degree Game is one which is played for keeps and which ends in hospital, court or the morgue.

Games are individually programmed.  They are played from the Parent ego state if the Parents’ games are imitated.  They are played from the Adult ego state if they are consciously calculated.  They are played from the Child ego state if they are based on early life experiences, decisions and the ‘positions’ that a child takes about self and others.

To fully appreciate the idea of games Games People Play should be consulted.

6.         Intimacy

In TA, intimacy is that relationship between 2 people which can exist independently of al other means of structuring time.  The other, defensive ways of structuring time are rendered unnecessary and intimate relationships involve spontaneous expressions rather than responses to socially programmed rituals.

Intimacy, which is based on the I’m OK/You’re OK basic position, is game-free as goals are never ulterior.  It grows as people dare to risk greater openness, learn to be emotionally present to each other and develop a high degree of caring for one another through a climate of trust based on commitment.

Intimacy is a relationship in which the Adult is in charge of all those concerned and it allows the emergence of the Natural Child (that part of the Child which is creative, spontaneous, curious, aware, free of fear) as opposed to the Adapted Child (that part adapted to the original civilising demands of the Parent).

The notion of intimacy as the ideal way to structure time does not involve a complete dismissal of withdrawal, pastimes, rituals, activities of even games.

The first 4 of these are not necessarily harmful unless they assume undue predominance.

Withdrawal can be a good way to unwind.  Pastimes can be a useful and enjoyable means of spending time at social occasions.  Rituals are a safe way of negotiating potentially trying situations. 

Activity, which includes work, is almost essential in society as we know it; it also provides fulfilment through the application of skills and talents.

Games, however, are nearly always destructive.

                                                                                                                                       

WAYS TO STOP PLAYING GAMES

Games may be foiled by a refusal to play the expected hand or a refusal to give a payoff.  For example, refusing to give advice or suggestions to a yes, but player usually stops the game.

There are many ways to stop a game.

A person may:     

Give an unexpected response.

Stop exaggerating her/his own weaknesses or strengths.

Stop exaggerating the weaknesses and strengths of others.

Give and receive positive strokes – gold stamps – rather than negative strokes – grey stamps.

Structure more of her/his time with activities, intimacy and fun.

Stop playing Rescuer – helping those who don’t need help.

Stop playing Persecutor – criticising those who don’t need it.

Stop playing Victim – acting helpless or dependant when really able to stand on her/his own

2 feet.                                                                                                                        

If a person decides to give up games she/he must first become aware of the games she/he initiates and takes part in.  Having identified her/his roles in them she/he must interrupt them, avoid them, and, eventually, give them up.

PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS OF TA

One of the advantages of TA is that it has immediate practical applications.  In this section some of the ways in which it can be applied personally and interpersonally will be briefly considered.

1.         Personal

Once we start learning about our ego states, we often find there are parts of them that we

would like to use more easily and more often.  TA gives a number of options to us for getting in tough with these behaviours and for changing unproductive patters.

Are we chained to unproductive Parent messages and Child behaviours which have been

carried over into our adult life, ie is our Adult contaminated?  If so, once we are aware, we

can choose to change.

We need an understanding of our ego states before we can examine the productive and

unproductive elements of each of them.  Awareness is the first step toward change.

Awareness can eventually allow us to free our Natural Child, to let the positive Child

qualities come through.  The Natural Child helps us to enjoy our experience to transfer

our enthusiasm to others, to appreciate creativity and new ideas.

When we are able to give greater freedom to our Natural Child, we often will find that not

only are we more in tough with our feelings but also that our relationships with other

people will be more genuine and productive as well.

2.         Interpersonal

We can examine our stroke pattern and see if we give as many strokes as we think we do

we do, and whether our strokes are appropriate and freely given, or conditional in some say.

Are we set in certain stroke patterns, where we always stroke the Child of our students and

the Parent of our superiors?

Likewise, we need to look at how we receive strokes – do we accept them or reject them?

What difference would it make to our relationship with the givers if we started accepting

strokes that we have previously rejected?

Which ego state do we experience most often in the classroom?  Is this the one in which

we feel we should be?  If not, why not, and what can be done about?

With knowledge of our rackets, we can ask oourselves what kind of games are we playing

with those in charge of us and those for whom we are responsible.  Are we initiating games

or merely being hooked into those of the people around us.  How are we going to break out of our games?

Most obviously, we can examine our own typical work transactions and see if they satisfy us as being flexible and appropriate to the situations in which we find ourselves.

Are we too often operating from our Parent or our Adult?  What is our favourite ego state

when relating to: colleagues, superiors, students?

With practice we can begin to apply TA to our interactions with other people, developing

more flexibility and social control and reducing the amount of manipulation and Not Okness.

If we look at our organisations as a whole, we can describe our college, our department or

our section in TA terms:

Is it very Parental – if so does this come out in nurturing, rule-setting or controlling?

Does our organisation cope with the need to express the Free Child – is it sometimes a

fun organisation?

Is our organisation strokey or non-strokey?  If it does seem to encourage a lot of strokes, are they positive or negative, conditional or unconditional?

Is our organisation in the position of I’m OK/You’re OK?  If not, which position does it occupy?

Whatever the situation, the important point is that we as individuals have the power to begin to change.

CONCLUSION

This has been of necessity a very brief survey of TA theory.  A number of firms have found it a very useful way of improving the way people work and relate to each other, and claim improvements in efficiency as well as the happiness of their employees.

Many more individuals have found in TA a way of making sense of their lives, and have been able to make changes which have brought them towards or into the state of I’m OK/You’re OK.

It is a relatively simple system to understand in outline, though the working our of its implications for a particular individual may take many years of increasingly deep insights.

 

GLOSSARY OF TERMS USED IN TRANSACTIONALY ANALYSIS

Activities                    Ways of structuring time that deal with external reality and are

                                    commonly thought of as work, getting something done.

Adapted Child          Second level structural analysis of the Child Ego State.  That part

                                    which modifies Natural Child responses in the light of experience of

                                    others.

Adult Ego State        One of the 3 primary ego states – the one concerned with computing

                                    and analysing.

Boundary Lesions   Sore points caused by childhood trauma which manifest themselves

                                    in gross over-reaction to the reality of a stimulus.

Bullseye                    Stimulus that successfully hooks all 3 of the other’s ego states.

Child Ego State        One of the 3 primary ego states – the one concerned with the impulses

                                    and emotions that come naturally to an infant and the tapes of her/his

                                    early experiences.

Complementary        A transaction in which the stimulus and response match each other, eg

Transaction               P->C, C->P;  A<->A;  P<->P;  C<->C.

Contamination          The invasion of the Adult Ego State by Parent or Child, so that Parent

                                    or Child data is presented as though it is Adult.

Contract                     The decision by the Adult to achieve something with realistic

                                    knowledge of how it is to be done.  Widely used in therapy.

Critical Parent           Second level structural analysis of Parent Ego State.  That part which

                                    sets rules, controls, punishes.

Crossed                     A transaction in which the stimulus does not receive the expected

Transaction               response, eg A->A followed by P->C.

Cultural Scripts         Scripts in which life plans of individuals are laid down by the culture

                                    in which they live.

Discounts                  Either lack of attention or negative attention that hurts emotionally or

                                    physically.  Strokes received can be discounted by oneself.  Other

                                    people can be ignored or given negative strokes.

Drama Analysis       The analysis of a number of transactions in terms of exchanging roles

                                    of Rescuer, Persecutor and Victim.

Drivers                       Messages absorbed in childhood which remain as driving forces.  Can

                                    be reduced to 4 or 5:  Hurry up.  Be perfect.  Please me.  Be strong.

                                    Try hard.

Exclusion                  The building up of psychic energy exclusively in one ego state,

                                    excluding the others by rigid ego boundaries.

Executive                  The ego state a person is in at a given moment

Family Script             Life script laid down by family for individual within it.

                                                                                                                                                23

First Degree Game  First degree is socially acceptable in the agent’s circle.  Second degree

(Second, Third …)   is generally concealed but no permanent damage arises, and third

                                    degree is played for keeps.

Free Child                 Second level structural analysis of Child ego state.  That part which is

                                    in its untouched form with basic feelings of joy, frustration, etc.

Gallows                      Initiated by a gallows laugh at own or other’s tragedy, thus confirming

Transaction               the injunction behind the behaviour and tightening the noose.

Game                         The way of structuring time which involves an on-going series of

                                    complementary ulterior transactions that lead to a well defined,

                                    predictable outcome.

Hook                           A stimulus which has an ulterior message which pulls in or hooks

                                    another person’s ego state.  It is most frequently seen in games.

Injunction                  A prohibition or negative command from a parent.

Intimacy                     The way of structuring time that is a game-free exchange of emotional

                                    expression without exploitation.

Introjective Position The position of I;m not OK, You’re OK.

Karpman Triangle    The triangle of Rescuer, Persecutor and Victim.

Life Positions            The psychological positions taken about oneself and others.

Life Script                  The life plan that an individual feels compelled to play out.

Little Professor         Second order structural analysis of Child ego state.  The creative and

                                    manipulative part of the Child.

Natural Child            See Free Child

Nurturing Parent      Second order structural analysis of Parent ego state.  That part which

                                    supports and helps.

OK  –  Not OK           The 2 variables in life positions.

Parent Ego State      One of the 3 primary ego states – the one concerned with nurturing,

                                    rule-setting and controlling.

Pastimes                    A way of structuring time by innocuous talking with others.  The level

                                    is safe and superficial.

Payoff                        The predictable outcome of a game.

Permission                The statement to the Adult of a subject that she/he is allowed to reject

                                    part of his script.

Prescriptions             A set of precepts offered from the Nurturing Parent.

Projective Position   The position of I’m OK, You’re Not OK.

Put Down                  Negative Stroke

                                                                                                                                                24

Rackets                      The favourite bad feelings we have (eg jealousy, anger) which we

                                    work to have justified, particularly via games.

Redemption Time     Time when trading stamps are traded in for a favourite feeling

                                    expressed in behaviour.

Ritual                         A way of structuring time through simple and stereotyped

                                    complementary transactions.

Strokes                       Strokes are any act of implying recognition of another’s presence

                                    and can be negative or positive, conditional and unconditional.

Structural Analysis  Analysis of personality in terms of PAC.

Sweat Shirt                A life motto which is apparent from the person’s demeanour in public.

Message

Tapes                         The recorded experience of the individual of all that has happened to

                                    her/him, stored for replay in the brain and nervous tissue.

Time Structuring      The ways of filling the waking hours.

Trading Stamps        Favourite feelings collected as the payoff in games, which are cashed

                                    in to enable indulgence in a justified behaviour.

Transaction               What happens when 2 people meet and communicate with each other.

Ulterior                       An underlying transaction of ego states other than those involved in the

Transaction               apparent transaction.  Generally found in games.

Withdrawal                A way of structuring time by removing oneself physically or mentally from others.

Neil Benbow

(c)neilbenbow2026

 

Discover more from neilbenbow.com

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

Leave a comment