Consider the following ten factors before starting your next conversation.

1. Consider the setting. Where will the conversation take place? Is it public or private? Are there other things going on that will be distracting? Is the setting appropriate for the topic?

2. Consider the personality, gender, culture, age, etc. of the other person. If the person is different from you in these respects, you will want to adapt your style of communication to respect these differences.

3. Consider the internal influences (emotions, bias, etc.) on how you approach the conversation. What is your motivation? What baggage are you bringing with you as you talk with this person? Recognize it so that it won’t get in your way.

4. Consider the internal influences (emotions, bias, etc.) on how the other person will receive the message. How might your history of communication with this person impact the way they respond to your approach? Will they be distrustful, anxious, humiliated? Your past words and actions will impact whether they will be receptive to you and your message.

5. Consider the interest level/level of importance of the other person. How much information does this person need to know? Is the topic relevant to their work or do they just need a basic awareness of it? Would verbal bullet points work better than an in-depth report? Be careful not to overwhelm someone with how much you know. They may think you are just trying to impress them or boast about your knowledge.

6. Consider the language needs (familiarity with topic, jargon, educational level, etc.) of the other person. Are you using words the person is familiar with or talking over their head? Are you talking in a demeaning way by “dumbing down” your word choices?

7. Consider what you want to accomplish by initiating the conversation. Keep your goal and the message in the front of your mind. If you need to relay information make sure that the person understands the information. If you need to address a challenge, make sure you address the challenge without making it a personal battle.

8. Consider what the other person might need to receive from the conversation. Stick to the information the other person needs. Don’t try to become friends or talk about personal stuff if the other person isn’t responding positively to that direction of your conversation.

9. Consider the long-term impact of the words, tone, and gestures they use. You may be having a bad day, but the other person may take your comments or attitude personally. That will impact future conversations. If you’ve had a bad day and said something inappropriate go back to the person to apologize and briefly explain that you were having a bad day and wrongly took it out on that person.

10. Consider the external factors (noise, distractions, setting, etc.) that will impact how the message is relayed and received. Again we return to setting. Make sure that you initiate and participate in conversations that provide the best environment for a successful exchange of ideas and information.

Keys to Successful Conversations

You spot someone with whom you’d like to build a relationship; the standard advice is to get them to talk about themselves while you respond with “uh-huhs” and questions to keep them talking about themselves. That’s a mistake- as it makes you appear withholding or you may feel 

 The best conversations are exchanges, not interrogations. Rule of thumb for effective conversations: talk about yourself enough to not appear withholding, then listen carefully, ask questions, and make comments based on what they’re saying.

You’ll know you’re in range if you’re talking 30 percent to their 70 percent of the time.

By incorporating the following seven musts, you should see an improvement in your conversational experience and success.

1) Set Goals

Before you attend a networking event, you need to have some goals in mind. Ask yourself the following questions: Who do I want to meet? How many people do I want to meet? Why do I want to meet these people? Where will I meet these people?

Without a clear goal in mind, you won’t make the best use of your time when attending events. When you meet people, you should have a reason to talk with them so you can start to build meaningful relationships.

Do your research and find events that will allow you to meet the desired people. You can then put yourself in a position to reach your networking goals.

2) Carry Business Cards at All Times

A simple but often forgotten networking must is to carry business cards with you at all times. Whether or not you plan on attending an event, you should never leave home or the office without them.

You just never know what situation you will be in and who you will meet. It can be embarrassing if you don’t have a business card to hand out, which could show that you’re not an organized individual.

First impressions make a difference. Put business cards in your wallet, purse, briefcase, coat or pants and make sure your cards are accessible at all times.

3) Take Good Notes on Business Cards

When you meet people, it’s important to remember what has been said. Make sure to take notes on the back of their business cards.

By taking notes, you will remember your conversations and have information available when you follow up. Make sure to take notes about personal and business information such as birthdays, anniversaries, business interests and hobbies.

All of this information can help you to build your relationships with people. At the very least, it shows you took the conversation seriously and were paying attention.

In addition to taking good notes on business cards, it’s helpful if you transfer the information to an electronic format such as a PDA, Outlook or Act. That way, you can continue to add future notes and easily search for this information.

4) Be Genuine

Your networking demeanour can have a huge impact on how you meet people and build relationships. Make sure you come across sincere and don’t try to oversell.

When talking with people, apply your full attention by listening, giving eye contact, asking questions and not interrupting. You actions will go a long way and tell people whether or not you’re a good conversationalist.

Make sure to build trust and a good relationship with people before you ask for help or try to sell to them. Over time, it will be easy to approach your contacts with your needs.

5) Offer to Help Others

While talking with people, pay special attention to their personal and business needs. By doing so, you will have the opportunity to help them. Offering to help others before you ask for help is a networking must.

Ways to help are to share resources, make introductions, gather data and perform consulting. By extending yourself to others, you will build a reputation as a doer rather than a taker. Networking circles are small. Your actions will be known.

When the time comes for your needs, you will be able to approach your network with ease and they should be very willing to help you.

6) Follow Up

After you meet people, it’s important to follow up. Without follow up, you won’t be able to build relationships and your network. It’s a good idea to follow up with people the next day so you’re still fresh in their minds.

While e-mail follow up is easy and less intrusive, telephone follow up can be more personal and effective with some people. Choose the most appropriate method. You can follow up with just a simple “hello” to tell people it was nice to meet them.

You can also e-mail a Web site link or article about something you talked about the day before.

If you offer to help someone – no matter how big or small – you need to follow up. Without following through, you won’t be taken seriously and your networking efforts won’t be very effective. You’ll also create a bad reputation.

7) Build Relationships

After you meet people, you need to continue to build your relationship with them. Without fostering these relationships, your network won’t be very valuable and attentive to your needs. Find ways to connect with your network by inviting them to breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks or events.

By reaching out to them, you will come across as genuine and someone who values your relationships.

A great way to be in constant communication with people is to create an e-mail newsletter. Tailor the newsletter to a general interest so everyone can benefit from it. You can include event information, business articles and economic data. Whatever you decide, make sure it’s of value.

In addition, when you come across articles or other resources that could benefit individual people, send these items to them. Your contacts will appreciate your thoughtfulness and they will remember you.

Neil Benbow

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