never allowed

to mention your name

ask

where you were

what had happened

how come i never see?

except in furtive corners

scared to be found

using your name

leaving me mute

unable to find words

infant without a voice

struggling to articulate

the loss the hurt

child with nothing

but violence

while other kids

it seemed

had the love

kind words & grace

i struggled

to remember you

your face

in those long years

until i saw you

to find for myself

as a mother

you were indeed

as a person

a no good adult