Is a way of connecting with people; this section is about helping you to be a dynamic or active listener or encourager and to be a better facilitator to help yourself and friends with their issues. For example: only ask questions with yes/no answers if you want “yes” or “no” answers…

Avoiding this involves using more open questions requiring higher-order thinking skills such as reasoning, predicting, interpreting and arguing a point of view.

Soliciting information and their reactions will help make others feel that their input is important and encourage their involvement with you.

Do keep a daily journal-more information and examples of the issue may arise through this.

Do ask them to document everything-start a paper trail, this avoids loss of information. (The oops…I forgot about)

Arm yourself with knowledge; find out  from others how they deal with this type of issue and gain power over it.

In their Journal ask them to note-who’s saying what?

Anything that it is said by anybody regarding the issue-ask them to ‘put it in writing’ or send memo’s after meeting to officially record any comments, conversations or official decisions.

The following are some simple guidelines to minimize the risks associated with asking questions:

• Ask questions in a friendly, sincere manner that encourages confidence, thought, expression and understanding.

• No answer is ‘wrong’. Suggesting so encourages silence.
• Avoid directing specific questions. Doing this increases anxiety.
• Phrase questions clearly and succinctly. Use familiar language as formal or legal language can increase anxiety.
• Give members time to consider questions. Don’t expect an immediate response; do however try to avoid long pauses, which may cause stress and feelings of isolation.

Listening and responding to others

Do think before you speak and respond to questions.

Be sure you understand what is meant. If not, ask for clarification. This indicates carefulness on your part, but don’t overdo it or it can have a detrimental effect.

When you speak, do so in an open, straightforward manner. Avoid rambling. 

Do try and be specific. Being vague or ambiguous in your responses or statements doesn’t help. Saying less sometimes says more.

If you don’t know how to respond to an issue, say so, that you will find out and come back with a response and then make sure you do that. However make sure you have enough information to work with to gain that info.  Project a positive interpersonal image. Identify ways you can take to increase your communications success. Establish a flexible basis for dealing with difficult people-find out about yourself, what makes you and this will help when dealing with others.

Useful questions:

What do you think?
What do you know?
Is there another way to think about the problem?
What are your thoughts, or, what are you thinking?
What do you think will happen next?

What do you think could happen next?
What do you understand about these issues?
What do you need to know to find out more?
Have you tried resolving the issue?
Have you ever seen a problem like this before?

Less useful questions:

What did you do first?
What is the answer?
What should be done?
Do you see this affecting others?
What happens next?
Here is what you need to do.

DO

• Speak as a friend. Try to communicate that you too are learning. This helps people identify with you. Your use of personal pronouns is important in achieving this balance. “We” and “I” are wholly appropriate in speaking as a friend.
• Be sensitive to new people. Keep them in mind in the terms and examples you use; be understandable and relevant to new people in the way you communicate your points.
• Anticipate points that need to be made
• If you lose your train of thought backtrack a little, encourage them to clarify, this stops you being the one that carries the monkey….
• Use good illustrations, especially for abstract points, use articles,  self stories etc. to illustrate your thinking.
• If you use technical terms be sure to define them immediately.
• Be yourself, use your own sense of humour if appropriate to put others at ease.
• Have good, clear thought development. 

DONT 

• Don’t bore people
• Don’t be obtuse: be specific enough that people can see clearly what it means to put the concept into practice.
• Don’t have too much material. A few points that are well developed and applied are far better than many points.
• Don’t over use hand gestures.
• Don’t say, “An example/illustration of this is . . . ” Just give your example/illustration.
• Don’t feel compelled to understand everything about an issue; there are other people who can help you.
• Don’t force or suppress expression. Instead, encourage and enable it by asking open-ended questions and by giving empathetic responses without false or premature reassurance. Reassurance offered too soon can be a conversation stopper no matter how well intended.
• Don’t be in a hurry.
• Don’t interrupt silence unless you can improve on it.
• Don’t apologize for your inexperience, lack of full knowledge on a subject, etc. This needlessly erodes your authority: if you don’t know something find out or help the member to find it out. Use this experience to involve the member rather than holding on to the issue for them.

Types of Questions	Examples	Attributes
Open	How would you describe the situation?	Good discussion starter Encourages response and stating of opinions Could lead to rambling and loss of momentum
Closed	Do you agree that this is a case of?	Encourages yes or no response Good for clarification or emphasis May be helpful when question and answer time is limited
Neutral	What are your views on the role of?	Gives members maximum choices of response Can provide indirect assessment of comprehension Shows no attempt to influence or lead
Directed	Do you believe that you should do….?	Restricts choices Gives indication of questioner’s views
Redirected	Can you respond to this from your own experience?	Effective way of handling confrontational questions
Clarifying	So you are suggesting that (—) would be the best way to deal with this case? Can you expand on that a bit?	Reinforces useful points raised in a question May discourage members from making statements that can’t be supported.

Neil Benbow

(c)neilbenbow