De-Stressing:

1. Get informed
   Be informed-finding out information can really reduce your stress. If you’re well informed then people can’t just push you to one side. Hopefully they’ll listen and take up your ideas. It’s good to have info, too, so that you know what to do. It’s really important that you are safe. It means that you protect yourself.

• Look after yourself
  It’s impossible to look after someone else if you’re not looking after yourself too; see above.

• Take some time out for you!
  Make sure you have time out to do the things that de-stress and re-energise you. Rest, exercise, eat healthy meals, do some fun activities that you enjoy.

• Let it out

    Sometimes we bottle things up or hide things from people. Sometimes we think that it’s not OK to let people know how we’re feeling or that we’re not coping that well. This isn’t good for our health. We need to get things out, to tell people about what’s going on for us and to work out better ways to deal with troubles and hard times. Otherwise, we’re going to explode and nobody wants that; it’s a shocker to clean up…

• Share the Job
  Often everyday life can be more than one person can take on alone. In these times it’s really important to get other people to help out, maybe friends. Sometimes having someone else take the pressure off gives you space to think. Remember: It’s OK to ask for help, take it as a sign you’re important enough to be helped.

• Tell them what you really think
  You have a right to tell people what you think. If you believe that you’re not getting enough support or that those around you aren’t doing a good job then you have a right to complain. Sometimes this can be a bit scary, so call in help, If you think things are not OK, then it’s not OK. Trust yourself and others will learn to respect that trust.

•  You’re not the only one!
  Sometimes we get frustrated, angry or disappointed because we think that we’re the only one doing the things we do. So; talk to others and build that support group.

• Be proud of you too
  As well as being proud of the things you do, be proud of yourself too. You are an important person with so many great things that piece together to make you who you are. There’s so much more too that you need to acknowledge and feel good about. Remind yourself how you got to where you are.

Strategies for Dealing with Stress

Be Organised

Planning the way you spend your time and energy may make you feel more in control. Viewing your schedule as being flexible will lessen your stress.

Exercise

Regular exercise is good for the body and the mind. It also helps to reduce stress.

Learn To Relax

There are many relaxation techniques available, but it may take you a little time to find one that you enjoy and works for you.

Try this:

• Sit down in a comfortable position, with tight clothing loosened and legs uncrossed.
• Close your eyes.
• Think of a place that you find comfortable and peaceful.
• Tense all of your muscles for 5 to 7 seconds.
• Begin to release the tension, relaxing one muscle group at a time – until your whole body is relaxed. Focus on the feelings of relaxation as they replace the feelings of tension.
• After about 30 seconds of total body relaxation – finish the session by counting backwards from 5 to 1.
• Open your eyes.

Take Breaks

It is important to take breaks. Try not to do more than one hour of concentrated work at a time. The best breaks are ones in which you move about, have a change of scenery and do some physical activity for about 15 to 20 minutes. You will then return to whatever you were doing refreshed.

Get Enough Rest

Sleep 6-8 hours a night. There is only so much that you can absorb in one go. Regular breaks help you process information.

Eat A Balanced Diet

Avoid foods that are high in sugar and fat. Don’t depend on alcohol. Caffeine and other stimulants may keep you awake, but it also makes it harder to concentrate and may also be detrimental to your overall performance and health. A twenty-minute walk is a better stimulant than any drug. Especially if it’s raining…

Also known as the don’t drink alcohol, do drugs clause…the bit people hate because it’s the downer clause. Instead begin to think of it as the UP clause, do whatever you need to do, but learn to avoid extremes because these will hurt you, whether its fast foods, anger, lust or booze, all extremes will hurt you and that’s the real downer.

Enjoy Yourself

It is well known that happier people tend to live longer, have less physical problems and are more productive. Look for the funny side of life when things do not seem to make sense. A good laugh can often drive those anxious feelings away.

Don’t Forget the Rewards!

Rewards can be anything that you want them to be. The most important thing is that you enjoy them and that they have nothing to do with your work.

Rewards might include things such as:

• Telephoning your friends
• Going to the movies
• Watching your favourite TV programme.
• Eating, having a beer.
• Being with your lover.

Make sure that you don’t overlook your rewards in the rush to get things done. Rewarding yourself as you achieve each goal is a way to have some fun as you study – and give you something to work for.

Stay in Control and Acknowledge your feelings

We often have to cope with many conflicting feelings. Your family, life, friends and job can be rewarding but they can also be demanding and frustrating. Alongside the positive moments within these relationships there may also be many painful feelings. Often the way you feel may be influenced by how you began with people: was it a choice made freely or are you in a situation that arose from circumstances? It’s important to recognise that you feel angry, guilty, depressed or resentful. These feelings are normal. You may find you can deal with them by acknowledging, “Yes, I feel angry because….”

At the same time you may have positive feelings, satisfaction that you are doing your best, and it helps to share these too. Spreading the positives with others helps when you might have to call them and feel like you’re having a whine…

Looking after your emotional needs
As a mum, dad, sister, brother, friend, lover it might seem as if everything revolves around the you. It’s useful to remember that you also have some basic needs – privacy, a little personal space, time to be with friends and time to laugh and have fun. Here are a few ideas:

• Try to make time for yourself every day.
• Take up a hobby. You may not be able to go out to classes but many things can be enjoyed at home.
• Take an education course, learn new skills.
• Lower your standards occasionally, try not to aim for perfection.
• Build a network of friends who can support you.
• Sometimes, shout about what irks you about your responsibilities, let it out.

If you don’t learn to look after yourself, you will eventually reach ‘Burn Out’

Four Stages of Burnout;

1. Physical, Mental, and Emotional Exhaustion.
2. Shame and Doubt.
3. Cynicism and Callousness.
4. Failure, Helplessness and Crisis.

1. Physical, Mental, and Emotional Exhaustion. Maybe you are still holding it together at: Are any of these you?
2. As soon as you finish work/looking after others you head for the pub/off licence, turn on the telly, collapse on the sofa or into bed and you’re comatose for the rest of the evening.
3. Doing more with less, having plenty of responsibility but not enough authority.
4. Juggling your unmanageable schedule is taking a toll.
5. You pride yourself on doing a thorough job, a high quality performance. Now you are looking for shortcuts, if not cutting corners, and this begins to gnaw at your self-esteem. There may even be pangs of guilt.
6. Brain strain is developing, accompanied by energy shortage and feelings of exhaustion.

If these stress levels continue unabated, you may be ripe for the second stage:

2. Shame and Doubt; you take on new responsibilities. You want to…but a voice inside of you screams, “You’re kidding!” You feel unable to do your job well anymore, are fearful of being caught out at not doing as well as you could.

3. Cynicism and Callousness. In response to prolonged feelings of insecurity or vulnerability, some people feel there’s only one thing left to do, put on the heavy armour. They develop an attitude, Look out for number 1, cover yourself, cover your back…

In the short term this strategy can work. Though if you become sufficiently abrasive or obnoxious, people will start avoiding you. Be warned, eventually this hard exterior will become a burdensome, self-defeating strategy.

4. Failure, Helplessness and Crisis. The familiar Catch-22: Damned if I stay, damned if I leave. Your coping structure becoming unglued. The crisis smoke signals are billowing, burnout is like trying to race a marathon at full speed, non-stop. Marathon runners pace themselves. If not, their body parts break down and with burnout, over time, so will you and your mental health will also wear out.

How to Avoid Burn out

1). Get proper and sufficient support. Recognise that you are not alone, that others if asked will help.

2). Confront denial, false hopes, cynicism or helplessness. Catch yourself in your pain, begin to recognise that the crap you are throwing out is yours and yours alone, painful though that may be, it is only then that you can begin to move on.

3). Grieve past and present losses while turning guilt, hurt, anxiety and aggression into focused energy. Dealing with pain will create energy for you, whereas denying pain or suppressing it will sap your energy in so many ways.

4). By acquiring and applying skills and technology for turning new problem solving options into productive attitudes and actions. If what you’re doing isn’t working for you, do something about it, find new ways, new skills, return yourself to when the world was exciting and new by moving out of your discomfort zone, especially if you have become comfortable in your discomfort zone… 

Common Pitfalls:

‘But I feel so responsible’

Even though you may accept that you are not responsible for others problems you may be left with feelings of responsibility. You are expected to be strong and supportive of others. You are expected to make the right decisions even though you may not know what these decisions are.

‘I feel lots of conflicting emotions’

Remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel; People will react in their own way and confusion is common. To be in conflict is to be in a place where new things may happen.

So: LET IT GO!

Positive lifestyle changes and Self-image work;

Step 1: Get rid of junk
Over the years we accumulate a lot of junk that we store all over the place,
in cupboards, drawers, garages, attics and basements.
It becomes impossible to know what you have, need to throw out or give away unless you complete an inventory.
As you begin to do this, go through your personal debris pile of the following:
fears, hopes, pain, dreams, secrets, rituals, memories, relationships, bitterness and traditions.
Make your decisions conscious and only keep the good stuff.

Step 2. Improve what you keep
You will find some treasures hidden in the junk. These are areas that have not received enough care and attention. List the good things you’ve discovered and improvements needed as these, over time, will add to your quality of life and your overall growth as a person. Concentrate on making manageable improvements rather than tackling everything at once and remember that if it’s valuable to you, it should be on show.

Step 3: Address your needs
Clutter leaves little space for the stuff you need or want as there is nowhere to put it. But after the junk has gone there will be room for the things that make your life complete like, joy, passion, vision, compassion, enthusiasm, excitement, courage, perseverance and love.