Making Happiness your Intention

Whatever we choose to focus on, becomes our lives; if you focus on feeling happy, you will feel happier. To focus on being happy needs you to do certain things, to become all that you can be and accepting yourself as you are.

But ‘I already do that’ you say ‘and I’m still unhappy.’

So, are you being all you can be and accepting all of yourself?

Self-acceptance is about being happy with who you are right now and you’ll know when you’re accepting yourself because that feels good and if you’re not feeling good then you’re not happy: Big fleas have little fleas that bite ‘em, little fleas have littler fleas and so on ad infinitum.

To change to happiness, you may have to change some of your beliefs, those causing you pain. Beliefs are ideas you think are true about yourself, some undoubtedly aren’t… Most people never examine their beliefs and live their lives unaware of how such unexamined beliefs affect their feelings, thoughts and all actions.

Real change then, is personal. It’s about accepting who you are, examining your beliefs for those that cause you unhappiness and working towards all that you can be.

Happiness is not in the past or in the future. Happiness is always in the now, in this moment. If you wait to be happy in the future, you may be waiting a very long time. There’s no doubt that what has happened to us in the past can make us feel unhappy, it can also make us fear the future will be the same. This in some circles is known as ‘if we have one foot in the past and one foot in the future we are probably pissing on the present…’

There is no unhappiness in the present and when you bring your awareness into the now, all worries of the past and fear of the future disappear until all that’s left is now, the present and you can begin to see your life as it really is.

You can begin this process by becoming more honest with yourself. In your journal begin to write your true, honest, thoughts and feelings. Begin honesty by being honest with yourself, write about how you truly feel, the people in your life, your fears, dreams, who you really are. Don’t hold back on yourself, do it, warts and all…and you can then learn how wonderful you are; no illusions, no hang ups from the past and no fear that the future will be the same as the past, it can’t be can it? You’ve changed how you feel and that shapes your future.

Feelings of Chaos

Chaos is the feeling we get when our coping mechanisms are failing as we try new ways of being. We feel like this because chaos precedes change, first there is order, then chaos, as new elements try to fit into this order, then order arrives again. Its a sign that you are creating new behaviours and like all new ideas this can be scary at first until you get used to them. If you can get out of the way of your feelings and hold on to the chaos this will happen faster and with much less pain.

It is helpful to recognise when you start to feel chaos and to remind yourself that this is the beginning of change. Be wary of attempting to solve your discomfort by retreating back to established patterns of behaviour, by reaching for the bottle, food or other substances. Hang on to yourself and the knowing that you have been here before, even if you did forget about the discomfort, starting and changing schools, college, jobs etc. you have been here before and you will survive.

Because you now understand how change works this will save you suffering, but you must take control of your knowledge, chaos is change in process.  Learn to notice that you are in chaos and remember to remind yourself that this is good. Because it means you are beginning to change your old ways of doing things and most of all don’t resist yourself as this makes it harder.

Alternatives:

Stay at home, become isolated, and don’t try new ways of being or doing things. Keep being unhappy, poor, drunk, stoned, obese etc. I could argue that these too are forms of chaos, a slower chaos, where you are out of control, but I think you already know that and if you’re in them, at least they are comfortable…